Star Wars: The Truth Bites Back...

If you were born in the 80's, I'm sure that when the original Star Wars first premiered, we were still in the single digit years, and we thought the creatures were very cool.

When The Empire Strikes Back opened, we were in early double digit years, and we were convinced that the special effects were much better, the characters much cooler, and we wanted every single collectible out there.

Then, The Return Of The Jedi hits the theaters... By then, we were now teenagers, & we couldn't take our eyes off Princess Leia's breasts *I know most guys would have had fantasies about the Princess leia in the gold bikini * or Han Solo's butt. We hung up posters, photos, and "teen"-type magazine spreads all over our walls and notice boards at school.

Now, since we're all older and wiser, Its time we all found out what really happened in, STAR WARS: The Truth Bites Back... *Star Wars fans and enthus can turn back now... I don't want to be responsible for destroying your dreams.*

STAR WARS: The Truth Bites Back...

A furious light sabre duel is under way.

Darth Vader is backing Luke Skywalker toward the end of the gantry.

* Special effects + Light saber sounds*

A quick move by Vader, he chops off Luke's hand! & down it goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft.

Luke looks round, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.

Darth Vader: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father."

Luke: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"

Darth Vader: "No! I am your father!"

Luke: "No, that's not true! That's impossible."

Darth Vader: "Search your feelings; you know it to be true."

Luke: "NOOOO!"

Darth Vader: "Yes, it is true and you know what else? You know that queer brass droid of yours?"

Luke: "Threepio?"

Darth Vader: "Yes, Threepio, I built him when I was 7 years old."

Luke: "No way."

Darth Vader: "Way! Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp."

Luke: "I.. I... I destroyed your precious Death Star!"

Darth Vader: "When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!"

Luke: "Well, it's not my fault."

Darth Vader: "Oh, here we go. 'Poor me, my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday, boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith... Waahhh wahhh!' You make me sick."

Luke: "Shut up!"

Darth Vader: "You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi Knights!"

Luke: "I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!"

Darth Vader: "Oh, for the love of God, 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open. Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer, right here baby!"

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step toward it.

Darth Vader: "I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine. Get out of my sight, you loser!"

With tears in his eyes, Luke looks to step off the platform, hesitates, then steps off and plunges down the shaft.

Darth Vader looks after him.

Darth Vader: "AND GET A HAIRCUT!"